She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
