Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
