It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
