I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
