I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
