he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Randomize
