I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
