yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
