And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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