She's JV to your varsity
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
