I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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