How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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