I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
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