I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
