I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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