i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
