I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
