This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
