the condom got lost in my hair
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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