38 yer olds are good kisserssss
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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