maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
