Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
