How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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