I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
