I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
