$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
