yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
