butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
