I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
