I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
A+ Viking dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
