ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
