dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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