I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
