OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
