birth control should be required to get into college
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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