Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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