C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
