At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
