Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
