If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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