Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
