I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Randomize
