and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I looked at my own cervix.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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