shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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