ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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