Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
