when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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