Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize