marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
