So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize