apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
