It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
